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  1. Nikky Drysdale? Is that you? If not, you sure look like her.

    Either way, nice blog post. I grew up exactly like you, but unlike you, I saw through the BS during high school, which was an interesting experience to say the least. Glad you’ve found some freedom and I wish you the best for the future.

    Erik

  2. I’m not one to bad mouth the church or try and pull people away but I wish more people could read your story and realize that their is more happiness to be found outside the church. I can’t even imagine what kind of roller coaster it was for you but I’m glad you had the courage to stand up for yourself and your family. Thanks for sharing this powerful story. I wish you and your family the best!

  3. Did you have a strong testimony (as Mormons call it) or were you waning on your parent’s testimony and what they taught you growing up and the culture you experienced? Had you taken the “Moroni challenge” to get you through the doubt that comes from reading the anti-literature? When you said you were asking your husband to do something that you hadn’t done, I thought you were going to read the BOM together and strengthen your testimony! But you did the opposite. So what now? Are you giving up on all religion or just Mormonism? Is there truth out there? Are you looking for it? Let us know what you find. But don’t get too deep into all “anti” information. Before you know it you’ll be anti gluten, anti sugar, and anti American (that’s the literature ISIS puts out…). Good luck!

    1. I’m Canadian so I actually have always been anti America 😉

      Since you asked, what I found to be true was that everything that I had always been told was “anti” was actually historically true, the church now backs up a lot of what they used to call “anti”, and snuck in those essays discretely so they could say they always taught that! It’s a hard place to be when you realize your concept of life isn’t what you were always taught in the church. The church has an honestly problem and unfortunately it comes from the top. They are quickly losing credibility with all the facts that are coming out and they are left scrambling to cover up or say “oh we have always taught that”.

      1. It was nice to read your story, It has a lot of similarities to my own. I actually served a mission in Canada, to Calgary in the 90’s. It was actually there that I quit believing. I went to church with my wife, baptized and ordained children, gave blessings and everything else for 15 years until the day my wife decided she was done as well. Our families are both very active and think we left for many reasons different then the belief we have that it is not true. Anyway, good luck in your life. Appreciate your story.

      2. I have a vast family deep rooted in Mormonism. I however was not raised in it my mother was and my father was. But when they were younger they both left the church even before knowing each other. My dad’s side…well we came from Charles C Rich who is burried in paris idaho along with his seven wives…i don’t know their names all i know is he was high in ranking in this at that time period and founded areas in idaho. On my mothers side i don’t know his name but he founded Sleights canyon and was also high in the church. I have done research from people i know personally that were a part of this church and are no longer a part of it and know that i would never want any part in it…while i do not have a hatred…i do have a pity for those who are deceived and pray that they may someday see. I am glad for you and your family.

      3. I appreciate your story. It’s comforting to know that others have had a similar experience. My husband washed his hands of the church two years ago and I recently walked away. I chose to love my husband more than my religion. My question for you is when you informed your family and friends, did any of them have the audacity to tell you that your countenance had changed? if so, how did you handle it?

    2. These past 2 years I have also been opening my eyes a little bit to the world outside being Mormon. I have always felt off at church and going to seminary but i always shrugged it off and just took the information given to me as fact. After I moved out of my parents house I no longer felt comfortable going to church. I still didn’t believe it to be false, I just believed that it just wasn’t for me. I married my high school sweetheart (who isnt Mormon). He joined the military and now we are on the opposite side of the world from where we grew up. I think the physically distance helped me get some distance from the Mormon mentality that everything people say against the church is untrue and just anti-propaganda.

      I started doing research on all religions and especially the most ancient ones that I could like the Sumerian tablets. I read the Gnostic Gospels. I looking into church history, and looked at previous versions of the Book of Mormon (yes, certain things in the book of Mormon have been changed LOTS of times over church history. I was extremely shocked when reading some of the changes).

      I am only 21 but still there is no doubt in my mind that the church just isn’t as true as it claims to be. I still haven’t exactly announced to my family that I no longer believe in the church, as I know the kinda of pressure it would put on my parents. I know they would just blame themselves for doing something wrong when nothing wrong has been done in the first place.

      Thank you for sharing you story and making me re-confirm that I am not alone in leaving the church. Once you do real research I know most people would lose their faith as well. And it sad that everyone around us grieves our “lose of faith” but I have grown way closer to myself, and gotten to know who I am and my personal beliefs on a much deeper level than I ever did in growing up in the church. I didn’t loose my faith, I found it in myself.

      P.S. Coffee is the best, why it was ever banned, I will never know. But most the people in my life are missing out!

      1. Coffee was banned because it is addictive and the word of wisdom tries to promote living life temptation free. Gambling, porn, nicotine, drugs, coffee all are addictive to many and so were deemed unhealthy. Looking back on the word of wisdom everything it teaches you is beneficial but also not a determining factor on whether I make it to heaven

  4. It fills my heart with joy that I was able to find the author of the Lds article. You and your husband are both beautiful souls and I know that without ever meeting you. I just wanted to say thank you for the post. I’m seriously obsessed with your article! It takes a lot of courage to do what you guys did. Idk if this is weird but would you and your husband be down to talk over email?? I just would love having an interactive conversation Instead of talking via comments.. Sorry if this were is weird I’m just seriously in adoration of your guys story. Shoot me an email if I’m not coming across as crazy to you hahaha XD outdoorfr3ak@gmail.com

      1. hey there! i am dying to know you more. what is your FB name? or email? i’m in the same boat and need someone to relate to. xo

  5. I just submitted my letter to have my name removed after 7 years of knowing that was where I was going with my beliefs and opinions. Thank you for this post and this blog. Welcome to a blissful coffee drinking life. I am so grateful for your post.

  6. Hello. I am 30 yr old father of 3 and a active member of the LDS faith. While I respect your candor, I am left with a couple questions. I should start by saying that I have not read or researched any of the documents that you speak about. My main question is now that you have left the faith, what do you believe in? Do you look for any religion or faith for your family or do you plan on being non denominational? And I’m sure that you being a woman who has grown up in the church and raised your children in the church how do you answer for the everyday miracles or blessings that are brought into our lives? has there never been any blessings in your life that you could of related to being a full tithe payer or doing temple work? Or your fathers priesthood blessings? How does that just go away? Also I know you mentioned about eternal families. Have you just come to grips so quickly to believe that you will not see your children or husband again after we pass from this earth? Or that you will never see your other family members ( mother,father, siblings, grand parents ) ever again? I’m just trying to put myself in your shoes and I personally don’t know how I would be able to survive or go on without the church in my life.

    1. DA, thank you for your honest and respectful questioning. I have stopped reading most of the comments but somehow stopped to read yours and am glad I did. I can’t tell you how many time I have mourned over the loss of my old world view. I have cried countless hours at the thought that I might not be with my family after I die. I know that sounds sad to the TBM’s out there who probably just want to shake me and tell me that it IS true, but the things is, wanting something doesn’t make it true. I so badly want my family forever. More than anything! But just because I want it doesn’t make it so. I still have HOPE that this might be the case, but the thought of a God that intervenes in the daily details of our lives (whether or not we show our shoulders, drink coffee, what we do on Sundays etc etc) is completely lost on me. If there is a higher power out there, he is very removed from our lives on earth (this is my own personal belief, I am not trying to sway anyone to believing this point of view.) I have had what church leaders would label “spiritual experiences”, but I can’t say the those feelings have come only during time of church related experiences. When my children were born, were probably the 4 single most spiritual experiences of my entire life! I will never forget those moments, but non LDS people have babies every second, and I do not believe that they are withheld from experiencing those beautiful emotions of bringing new life into this world. Anyway that explanation took a different turn than I intended but I hope that made sense!

      1. Thanks for taking your time to reply.i really appreciate it. I hope you find peace and wish the best for you and your family! 🙂 Also, I apologize for commenting on the wrong post. I just realized that now.

      2. Appreciate your candid approach to this. I just want to make sure everyone reading this understands that people of other faiths can and do have spiritual experiences. Indeed, the witness of the Holy Ghost will provide a spiritual experience for all truth, especially when it involves the divinity of Jesus Christ, the Atonement, the Plan of Salvation, etc, regardless of your religion. People of all faiths have spiritual experiences through the light of Christ and the witness of the Holy Ghost. And you are right, child birth is one of the most spiritual experiences we participate in (I’m an active LDS father of 5) because we are participating with God in bringing one of his spirit children to this earth. As a result, it is a major spiritual experience, whether you are Muslim, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, Mormon or Catholic. And it is that same spirit that helps us know when something is true, whether it’s in church or outside of church — we can rely on those feelings.

        Just out of curiosity, and only if you do have time to respond, do you believe you had a pretty strong testimony when you tackled the CES letter?

        Thanks again for your responses and candid statements about what you do and don’t believe. You have made me take a serious look about how I approach my faith. Thank you.

      3. Hi Curtis. I would say up until the moment I decided to read the CES letter (no more than a week before I read it) I definitely had a strong testimony. I remember telling my husband one time when he tried to reason with me about why the church’s stance on lgbtq was wrong, and I said to him “You are not going to shake my faith, you can say anything you want to me” I didn’t think that anything I was ever taught growing up could possibly be false, and anything that went against what the church taught had to be wrong, because they spoke with God. Even though I had some things on my “shelf” per say, I had a small box that was my world view, and everything fit inside of it. When I decided to read the CES letter (and the cross references and church’s point of view on the topics), I had already decided in my mind that I could be wrong. At that point I had somehow softened enough to the possibility that there could be another side to the story that has some truth. So while I did have a strong testimony before I read it, at the time that I actually read it, I would say my heart and my mind were very open. I hope that makes sense. I can absolutely understand why someone reading the letter with a different purpose in mind, could dismiss and apologize the letter. I was in that place for years and I love and respect all my family who still choose to believe.

    2. DA, I will first start with saying I am not LDS, my husband was raised LDS but no longer practices or believes a lot of what the church teaches. We both 100% believe in God and know that we don’t have to belong to any church to be blessed by him. The big issue I have with what you have stated is this, I will not be with my family after we pass. To be quite honest I 100% believe this to be false. I know that God loves everyone of us, and that he blessed me with my family here on Earth and I will be with them in heaven. To say otherwise is actually quite hilarious. What makes someone of LDS faith so much more important than those of us who are Christians and believe whole heartedly in God!? The truth is as long as we live a good life, and try our best to live without sin, we non LDS folk might just be as blessed as you think you will. Just because you sit in church for 4 hours on Sunday does not make you any better then anyone else. Your church is not the only true church, actually I don’t believe in any church being the “true” church! What is true is God and what is in a persons heart! Period, end of story. It’s amazing to me that some people think that being LDS is the only way to Heaven. I have been treated more poorly by that faith then any other, so it’s weird that some put themselves on such a high pedestal.

  7. I am a Christian (not LDS) who has been mourning the fact that my son (who was raised in a Christian household) joined the LDS church a few years ago after marriage. I am always torn between trying to reason with him and keeping my mouth shut because I love him too much and don’t want to burn any bridges and I am not very good at effective arguing either. I have found some peace in being taught and believing that only God can lead him to the right decision. I have been told it does no good to argue with other Mormons for the same reason – only God can open their minds to the truth in his own time. I do belong to a Christian church but don’t feel I need to say which one since I believe that it doesn’t matter which church I belong to as long as it teaches the truth from the Bible and that your own personal relationship and faith in God is what matters most. The Bible teaches that salvation comes by grace alone thru faith alone (and not by works) in Christ alone and good works come from true faith. I am encouraged by your story of being able to see the lies taught by Joseph Smith and thank you for sharing it.

  8. HI, I read your blog on leaving the LSD and I want to commend you on taking the time to study to find the truth. Most of us are blindly led by emotions or people that we want to believe. It’s amazing to me the number of people who cannot truly contend for their faith. I would like to recommend a book to you that I think you will greatly relate to. It too is a true account of a man who searched for truth and was able to find it. The book is entitled Muscle and a Shovel by Michael Shank. I hope that you will take the time to read it and maybe it will help bring even more clarity.

  9. Hello, thank you for your article. I am currently a Mormon struggling to figure out what is real and what I am supposed to believe. I have no desire to go to church but it feels wrong when I don’t go, that I’m letting down everyone and losing everything. My boyfriend is lds as well but doesn’t understand my conflict. I am a convert and he has been a member his whole life. I was wondering and hoping you could direct me to the information you found that made you realize the church wasn’t true. Thank you and I appreciate any information you can give me.

    1. As you search, Amanda, a great resource is Bonnie Oscarsen’s talk from general conference this morning. Awesome talk about faith and doubt! Best of luck to you on your search!

    2. Hi Amanda,

      I read the CES letter CESletter.com as well as the essays on the church website, part of “Rough Stone Rolling” (you can get that one form deseret book, plus lots of conversations with my husband and thinking through how I felt about most of the past and current issues! Good luck!

  10. Hi, I went through something very similar about four years ago. Only it wasn’t my spouse who brought on my doubts. It was just an innocent internet search. I was immediately shocked and convinced that everything I’d ever believed was false, that I’d been duped. The next morning, as I was waking, my very first thoughts were, “and the elect shall be deceived.” I went to the Bible (that I still chose to believe) and read every chapter that mentioned the elect being deceived. They were all about preparing and watching for the signs before Christ returns. I knew that I was going through my experience to prepare me for Christ’s return, so either I had been deceived to believe Joseph Smith was a prophet, or I was being deceived to believe he wasn’t. I cleared my slate of what I believed and studied anything and everything for over nine months (including Rough Stone Rolling, which I read slowly, looking at it from both angles, if JS was a prophet, and if he wasn’t. I also studied main stream Christianity’s take on polygamy, watched pretty much EVERY Mormon Stories broadcast, etc). When I confided in ex-mormons to help me understand some of my past powerful spiritual experiences they wanted to also convince me that Christ wasn’t our Savior and there wasn’t even a God. So the ex-mormons ended up pushing me back in the other direction because while I was willing to deny the truthfulness of the LDS church at that time, I wasn’t willing to deny some of my own spiritual experiences. I wasn’t content just deciding what I didn’t believe, I was determined to find truth and decide what I DID believe. After trying to decide what I believed by study alone I decided that was impossible and I was going to have to rely on the Holy Ghost (I’d had some undeniable experiences with the Holy Ghost in my life, but none of them convinced me that the church was true, yet). I continued going to church and was asked to serve in the primary presidency, I felt I couldn’t say No, since I wasn’t sure about where I stood yet. I wanted to move forward with even the tiniest bit of faith while I continued to study, but I had a hard time teaching the children any of the B of M stories, so I taught other good things instead. Then I heard a new convert get up in Sacrament mtg and bear her testimony, she shared how her testimony came to be, and specifically her testimony of JS (It was the FIRST time someone had mentioned him in a testimony in those nine months). I felt the warmth in my chest, not emotion, but a physical warmth. I decided it was probably the spirit because I’d had the spirit speak to me that way before, when having to make a decision once before. I’d read all the anti-mormon stuff about how we go by our emotions and I knew I was not willing to make any decisions based on emotions. I continued in my tiniest bit of faith that had grown a little bit, and I was asked to be Primary Pres. Then one Sunday I was filling in for a teacher last minute and began teaching the scheduled lesson without any preparation. It was the lesson on the war in heaven before we came to earth. I just started teaching without thinking too much about it. Then I wondered to myself, “Do I really believe this story?” I decided that since I believed JS was a prophet and the church was true, then that’d mean I believed this story too, so I chose to believe what I was teaching. I had that little conversation in my head and even paused teaching while I was thinking about it. Then I continued teaching and even though I wasn’t looking for an answer at all, I felt light come into the top of my head and fill my entire body. It was NOT an emotion, it was NOT something I was seeking, so I knew I wasn’t tricking myself into feeling it (like all the anti-mormons think we do). It was a physical feeling of light/warmth filling my entire body from the head down. I knew it was confirming that what I was teaching was true. I hold onto that experience like an iron rod! I try to stay open to anything and everything being true and not true, but I’m not closing myself off to anything. When I see stories like yours the number one thing I wonder is, “So what DO you believe?” Do you share that on your blog anywhere? Oh, and one more tidbit, I also read every word of the CES letter, actually after I’d already heard of most of his issues and studied them elsewhere. The thing that stuck out to me the most, regarding the CES letter, is that I’d found some very easy ways to explain some of his issues and if he wasn’t even open to understanding some of the easily explained things then his letter sickened me and made me realize that he wasn’t sincere and wasn’t seeking truth, he had an agenda. So now I am in a place where I LOVE the gospel, I feel like I have a REAL testimony now and that I didn’t before I started doubting. I am preparing myself for the Savior and watching for the signs of his coming. Yes, there are still some things that I don’t understand, but right now I can’t help but notice all the amazing good things going on in this world that support the truth of the B of M and the simple gospel truths I was taught growing up. But, for all the people who have left the church and think that all the people in the church just don’t know about the CES letter, etc. I can proudly say I know about ALL the issues people have with the church, and can still say I BELIEVE, because the ONLY way to know what is true is through the HOLY GHOST. The HG did testify to me in a way that I cannot deny. It was not an emotion. I look forward to hearing how your story ends. Stay open to anything and everything and, please, if you have a post that shares what you DO believe let me know. Thanks! 🙂

    1. I so appreciate your story. It is heart breaking to me that so many of our valiant brothers and sisters are giving in to the enemy. We are at a constant battle with good and evil that started long before our journey brought us to earth. We know that we chose the right side in the preexistence because we are all here. But the battle didn’t end there and the second coming of our Savior is nearing. Therefore, Satan and his angels are stepping it up, doing all they can to blind us and push us off course. They want us to fail, it is their mission. They want us to think there is a better way because they are miserable and want us to be also. They want us in that great and spacious building, mocking and laughing at those who are steadfast. Satan is cunning and clever. He knows exactly how to lead each one of us astray. How to blind us or switch our focus off of truth and muddle the truth with earthly falIacies. It was predicted long ago that even the elect would lose faith in the last days. We were warned of this. Things that don’t matter for our eternal salvation are thrown in our view to trip us up. The Holy Ghost warns us of danger and also gives us a powerful witness when something is right. The feelings from the Holy Ghost can be very powerful, but Satan can be equally as powerful if we aren’t protected and prepared. He can entice and blind us, he feeds on our doubts and discouragements. He knows exactly when to strike because he sees the chink in our armors and senses our weakness. Faith is necessary. No one will have full knowledge here on Earth because we need to build faith, that is necessary in our growth and progression. This story and many others shared here truly saddens my heart. I have love for everyone who has shared their stories, but to those who have fallen away and have been beguiled by Satan, I plead with you to pray to our Heavenly Father to be able to thwart Satan and release his grip on you. To those not of the LDS faith, I want to say that we are no better than you. We are all spirit children of the same God. We are all here to learn, grow, seek truth through the Holy Ghost and hopefully one day make it back to our heavenly home. I do not judge you and I ask the same respect from you. I pray that we can find the strength in our Savior to turn our hearts to Him and be released from Satan’s blinding grip.

  11. Thank you for sharing your story. It gives a sad man a bit of hope. I am experiencing the same situation your husband went through. I figured it out and came to the realization the church I had belonged to all my life was pulling a fast one on me. My wife however is digging in her heals. She refuses to even entertain the idea that she could be wrong. I understand it’s a scary thing to deviate from the perfect little plan being sold. It has become very difficult. She even refuses to continue with the marriage counseling I begged her to go to with me. 5 sessions and she was done. Do you have any advice for a husband desperate to help his wife see what’s really going on?

  12. Hey girl! We literally have the same exact story ! I would love to message you and asks a few questions. I couldn’t find you on Facebook! I’m Arielle Borcik if you wanna add me !

  13. I had the same heart wrenching story with my husband (we even left right before our 3rd child was baptized), except it wasn’t the CES letter that helped me. It was reading the books of the Marvelous Work and a Wonder that helped me clearly understand so I could leave the church without any bitterness or a shred of guilt. I am so much happier on the other side! All the questions in the CES letter and so much more, is fully answered in the books I read, especially in the Joseph Smith book: http://marvelousworkandawonder.com/js/index.htm.

    There is life after being LDS 🙂 I wish your family strength and love on your journey!

  14. Hi, we are fairly similar to you guys but from Australia! 4 kids and married in the Temple. We left the church about 10 months ago but had been studding and trying to stay in for the past 3 years. We are finally out and I’m so glad we did it. It was extremely hard leaving the church was our life. We are moving on as a family now and finding new friends and discovering new ways of living. I’m grateful for some aspects of the church but also so grateful that we had the opportunity to leave before our kids were older and had become to brainwashed in that way of life and doctrines. The first few months were difficult but we have now settled into a new beginning and life is great!

    Good luck on your journey.

    Thanks for sharing your story. 😊

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